I recently realized that charisma basically boils down to congruence

When you’re fully comfortable in your own skin, who you are, what you stand for, and what you want, you will be able to express yourself in ways that are fully congruent with who you are. And that’s what people perceive as charisma.

Charisma is a side effect of being fully congruent.

An interesting phenomon is that some people, including me, are a lot more charismatic in writing than in person.

When it comes to writing, I’m 100% congruent. I don’t care what people think. I don’t care if my writing sounds cool. I never hold back and people can immediately sense that I’m not writing to please anyone. I’m writing to figure things out myself and say what needs to be said.

Doing the opposite of that is the most common writing mistake I see others make.

They’re trying to sound cool, trying to impress, trying to be funny, trying to be smart, trying to be interesting, trying to be unique, trying to be different, trying to be controversial, trying to be provocative, trying to be edgy, trying to be anything but themselves.

They’re obviously holding back by never sharing examples based on their own experiences. You can always sense that before writing any sentence, they are asking themselves “what will people think about this?”.

Whenever they write something that could be perceived as controversial, they immediately add a disclaimer to make sure no one will be offended.

And that’s why their writing is bad.

Their writer persona is not congruent with their true self.

They write things not because they truly believe them but because they think that’s what people want to read, or because they think that’s what they should write.

They’re playing 4D chess in their mind when really all their mental energy should be focused on expressing what they truly believe.

But if you want to improve your writing, that’s actually great news.

You don’t have to learn dozens of hacks and strategy. You can ditch all the writing advice.

All you have to do is become more congruent.

The more congruent your writing with who you really are, the more it will resonate with others.

Writing is also a lot more fun when you’re really just saying what you want to say without holding back and worrying about what others might think. Words just naturally flow.

Now as with charisma, maybe you’re not entirely happy with who you are, what you do, and what you stand for. So you feel like there’s a very good reason to hold back.

Fair enough.

I’m not telling you just blindly accept yourself and stop trying to improve yourself.

That’s not the point.

The point is to be honest about these struggles when you’re writing. That’s what the best writing is made of.

Don’t act like an expert when you’re not.

Be honest that you’re just trying to figure this out yourself and invite others to join you on this journey.

Don’t act like you’re killing it when really you’re struggling to make ends meet.

When everyonne is so concered about their public image, raw honesty is extremely refreshing.

Whenever you feel the itch to hide something, to leave something out, that’s exactly the thing you should be writing about.

That’s the stuff that resonates with others.

Focus on what’s true and what you’re really trying to express.

That’s how you make your writing more congruent.

That’s how you write something worth reading.

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” - Ernest Hemingway