• My rating: 4/5
• Fantastic thoughts on developing confidence and frame control. Could be a bit better organized though.

Main Takeaways

• The strongest frame is when you interpret everything that people do or say to you as a compliment.
• A strong frame is non-reactive.
• Enthusiasm is one of the most effective ways to pull people into your frame.
• Self-respect is derived from doing difficult tasks and cultivating daily habits that consistently reinforce this respect. You lose self-respect when you’re not doing the things you set out to do.
• Lying undermines your self-worth; being honest allows you to trust and respect yourself more. Every time you’re lying you’re signaling that the other person is more important than you.
• Labeling can help control the narrative in social situations and change how you perceive yourself. When you tell a shy person that you appreciate their confidence, they will act confident simply to stay consistent with the label you gave them.
• Labeling also works really well with your own thoughts or with how you think about yourself, e.g. by creating an alter ego.
• You can get a lot more opportunities coming your way simply by becoming a familiar face at certain locations.
• You can brainwash yourself by listening to the same content over and over again. Listen to the same audiobook or podcast thousands of times so that you become the character you want to play.
• One of the best ways to identify areas you feel inferior is by noticing what you’re jealous of.

On Frame

“Your inner frame is your perception of yourself. It is the role that you believe you are supposed to play. Your inner frame is the most important frame because it governs your social instincts. Without a strong inner frame, your life will be dictated by the whims of others.”

“So, if someone gives you a strange look and you have a strong, positive mental frame, then you will not perceive that look as an indicator that you are strange. Instead, your strong, positive mental frame will interpret that strange look as an indication that they are strange—that there is something about them that is wrong.”

“Our beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. You will interact with the world in a way to assure that your beliefs are found to be true.”

“The stronger your frame the more difficult it is to make you upset. You will notice that the stronger your frame gets, the harder it will be to interpret something as an insult. The highest of this is to interpret every person’s action or non-action as a compliment”

“The two default context we have when interpreting what we perceive are the victim and champion frame.”

“Champions act in a way that, even in defeat, reinforces their belief that they have a say as to what the outcome will be. Ultimately, acting this way, even if one doesn’t succeed, encourages one’s self-belief and adds to an already strong frame.”

“Developing a champion frame is simple. Interpret everything that people do or say to you as a compliment. Interpret your doubts as a symptom of not working hard enough or a sign that you need to find mentors or books to help you find a way. Finally, laugh off failures while taking aggressive action to ensure that mistakes will never happen again.”

“Frames exist in the mind but have tangible consequences. This is because we live in a socially constructed reality.”

“Get in the habit of asking yourself two questions in any conversation: “Am I in their frame? “Am I comfortable with being in their frame?””

On Self-Respect

“Our self-respect is derived from how often we do difficult tasks. How often are we putting ourselves in difficult situations and thriving?”

“Our self-respect comes from actions, not rhetoric.”

“Watching television is not a difficult task, so doing it for extended periods of time causes you to lose respect for yourself. The longer you sit around doing nothing, the less you respect yourself and the harder it will be to do tasks.”

“Respect for yourself has two cycles. There is (1) life respect, respect for the decisions you have made throughout your life, and (2) daily respect, respect for yourself that must be earned every day. Cultivating habits that earn you daily respect will increase your life respect. In turn, the more respect you have for your life as a whole, the easier it will be to earn daily respect.”

“in order to build daily respect, it’s important that when you wake up you get out of bed as soon as possible. This is more important than waking up early. Keep track of whether you got out of bed quickly on a calendar, try and maintain a streak.”

“On days where you feel sluggish and fall into self-attack, taking a cold shower or going for a run will both dispel anxiety and are easy ways to turn around a day.”

“Outline your current character. Be ruthlessly honest with your assessment. Record rather than write your answer as many people will stop short of their self-assessment out of laziness. Ask yourself “How do I act against my own self-interest?” “What do I regularly that makes me lose respect for myself?” “What small things could I do that would make a big difference in my life?” “What do I respect about myself?” “What don’t I respect about myself?””

“Ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how much authority you have over yourself? What is one thing that you could do every day that would increase that number? • Ask yourself “how do the foods that I eat impact my respect?” Think about what kind of meals make you feel worse about yourself and what meals make you proud. • Imagine that you’re a character in a story. You’re you, but the best version of yourself within your own story. Take a moment and think, what does your character desire out of life. What are his or her goals? Where would that character need to live to accomplish this goal? What is standing in the way? What excuses does he or she not accept? What does this character look like? What does this character do on a daily basis? What kind of food does he or she eat? What does this character do on weekends? How does he or she waste time?”

“Self-acceptance is your projection of people’s perception of you. Respect is your perception of yourself.”

On Lying

“When you lie to someone, you’re telling yourself that they are more important than you.”

“Being honest with others allows you to trust yourself. You are able to speak with more conviction. Being honest when it’s difficult will make you respect yourself even more.”

“Even if we are honest with people, we can lose respect for ourselves if we do not do what we tell ourselves we are going to do. Failure to live up to the character that you have picked for yourself means that you won’t trust yourself when you speak about your goals for that character.”

On Self-Acceptance

“There is nothing more parasitic to your frame than a lack of self-acceptance.”

“Ask yourself what events, clubs, and jobs do you not attend because you are afraid they won’t accept you? Make an effort to start going to these events. If you are not accept-ed, run a diagnostic as to why; don’t allow yourself to use any excuses that involves an immutable trait.”

“My internal narrative ritual occurs every morning. I stand in front of the mirror naked and I go through each part of my body and I say, “I love and accept this part of myself.” We experience ourselves in parts. For example, we might like our nose, but not like our eyes, we might like our calves but not like our neck. This lack of acceptance of certain parts of ourselves keeps us from accepting ourselves in entirety. The more you do this exercise, the more you will believe what you’re saying.”

“Pull out the recorder and ask yourself what physical features of mine do I find unacceptable or that you think that other people don’t accept. After you get the answer, distinguish whether these features are immutable or mutable. • For immutable features that you find unacceptable, come up with a narrative of how these features are a strength, then when-ever you feel self-conscious about this, use that narrative to quiet your mind. Say this narrative daily in front of the mirror for maximum effect. The more regularly you do this, the more rapid an identity level change will take place.”

“A few years ago, there was a Dove brand soap commercial where a person would describe themselves and then another person who just talked to him for 30 seconds in the waiting room would describe them to a police sketch artist. The drawings were massively different. As the subject focuses only on their flaws, whereas the person who met them in the hallway focused on what they actually looked like. It’s funny that other people can have a lot better perception of what you look like than you do.”

On Manual Brainwashing aka Auto-Suggestion

“The first step of getting control of your conditioning is to ask yourself on a regular basis “What am I passively conditioning myself with?””

“What we encourage in this book is manual brainwashing or auto-suggestion. This is where you actively choose the information that you’re interacting with selectively. Then once you pick a source you listen to it every day, multiple times a day, for years.”

“One product that has transformed my life is Jocko Willink, Discipline Equals Freedom Field Manual. Jocko Willink is a former Navy SEAL and he has a compilation of short essays that I listen to get access to the mindset of a Navy SEAL Commander. A Navy SEAL’s ability to keep a strong inner frame in high-pressure situations is what keeps them alive.”

“The most terrifying and awesome part of auto-suggestion is the degree to which it will control your actions. Listening to Jocko for a couple of hours a day for several months, it’s now impossible for me to hit the snooze button. I feel the compulsion to strive to become the strongest version of myself, to go to the gym multiple times a day, to reach out to the people I love, to assert control over the mind.”

““Can I just read instead of listening?” My answer is that reading is not as effective as listening. That’s because, with regard to the human species, reading is a new invention, it’s only been around for around 5000 years. There’s a good chance that your great grandparents didn’t know how to read. Whereas we have listened to audio commands since the dawn of our species. So, what is said resonates with us on a deeper level.”

“People in the self-help realm tend to read & listen to lots of different content. We advocate listening to the same content over and over and over again because it becomes reflexive in the way you think. The more you listen to the same message over and over again, the deeper in your subconscious it goes.”

“The actor Anthony Hopkins reads each of his scripts over a hundred times so that he can fully internalize the character he’s going to portray. So listen and read to the same fulfilling content thousands of times so that you become the character you want to play.”

“This is the benefit of hiring a coach and being in their presence, rather than just reading their book. You tend to hold yourself to the standard of the people you are around.”

“This is why self-brainwashing, known as autosuggestion, is so important for someone who’s trying to change their life. You’re limited by the experiences you’ve had, and if you’re looking to break through limitations you must break patterns that have potentially been running for years.”

“That requires a shift, and autosuggestion is a good way to internalize those messages. Those thoughts manifest themselves in your life, not as “the secret” or some supernatural way, but because they will help guide your brain to notice information it would’ve normally avoided or discarded.”

“Listen to your source material multiple times a day. An easy way to remember is if you think “Should I listen to it right now?” Do it. We suggest Jocko’s Field Manual, but there are other sources. Listening repeatedly to motivational material, our audio-book, etc. will work.”

“You hypnotized yourself into believing that you’re not enough. Now you’re trying to break out of the trance but it is difficult because you’ve spent years hypnotizing yourself to believe that others are better than you. You will have moments of clarity followed by days, weeks, years of being back in trance. The key is to know when you’re back in the trance and wake yourself up.”

On Flipping Flaws into Advantages

“you need to believe that they’re not limiting factors, you need to believe that your race, your height, your gender isn’t limiting your success but actually is the reason why you will be successful.”

““It’s not the circumstances that make the man, they reveal him to himself.””

“You must develop pride for your immutable traits and improve your mutable traits. Your race, height, place of origin, face, and skin tone are all for the most part immutable. How much money you make, how in shape you are, how much you know, and how charismatic you are, are all things that are under your control.”

On Inferiority Complexes

“one of the things you have to look for is people that you reflexively dislike which could be a manifestation of your inferiority complex. When you feel inferior to somebody it is an odd sensation of either wanting to supplicate to them or instantly hating them, sometimes oscillating between both states.”

“If you notice that whenever you see someone who’s attractive and you start being critical of them in your mind, you will likely feel some degree of inferiority.”

“One of the things that you will be drawn to do whenever you’re jealous is to look and attack their differences from you rather than just appreciate them. See, when you attack them, you are basically reinforcing the jealous frame, which is a frame built around your own inferiority. So anytime you’re actively trying to minimize somebody else’s greatness, you’re reinforcing the frame that they are superior to you.”

On Gratitude Practice

“A good way to get in the habit of appreciating the things that Bill just mentioned is getting into a daily gratitude practice. If you sit down with a notebook or simply with yourself and count off small blessings in your life and things that you feel gratitude for just 5 to 10 minutes a day, studies show this profoundly increases the amount of joy that you’ll have in your life.”

On Enthusiasm and Optimism

“Enthusiasm is actually a really powerful emotion because it does get people to want to filter into your frame.”

“Optimistic people have strong frames because they believe life will unfold in their favor and since so much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, these people tend to be relentless in their pursuits, eventually getting what they want.”

“Enthusiasm functions as armor against rejection.”

On Covert Contracts

“Covert contracts were originally identified by Robert Glover in his book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. The principle is very strong and it’s important for you to understand. A covert contract is a contract that is entered into by one party, which silently states “I will do ‘x’ for you, to get ‘y’ in return,” and implies the other party’s acceptance even though they’re not aware. Once this is done, no one acknowledges the contract.”

On Becoming a Familiar Face

“A lot of the opportunities I got were just from being a familiar face.”

“So I decided that I was going to spend 3 hours a day at our friend James Altucher’s club, Standup New York. At first, no one would acknowledge me. I just sat in the bar next to famous comedians like Tracy Morgan, Judah Friedlander, and Godfrey, just waving hi and bye. But over time people started to see me around and believed that I was on the show, I wasn’t, but this belief made comedians open up to me. Soon I was asked to perform, asked to be on big podcasts, and became more integrated into the New York stand up ecosystem.”

On Labeling

“Labelling is repeating what the person is proposing in a way that changes their position. Once they agree with your new description of what they you just said, you control the frame.”

“People don’t talk enough about how to build a strong, confident inner frame but this is how you do it. Labelling works even more effectively when you’re doing it on your own thoughts and feelings and emotions.”

“David Goggins actually labelled himself. He got rid of “David Goggins” and made “Goggins.” David Goggins was the man who was close to 300 pounds and couldn’t run a mile. Goggins is one of the most accomplished ultramarathoners and elite athletes in the world as well as being a Navy SEAL and Army Ranger.”

“So, what you say is something like “I don’t like the tone of this conversation.” You want to burn that line like that into your vocabulary and practice saying it especially if people are using aggressive social pressure on you to get you to do things.”

“Have you ever noticed that if you ask someone “Why are you getting so mad?” even if they were not upset before they quickly become upset? That’s because subconsciously they are already taking on the label you have placed on them.”

“This trick works in both directions. If you see someone at a party not speaking with anyone and suspect they have social anxiety then you tell them you appreciate how their calm demeanor is making you feel more calm, they will begin to act more calm. This is a dual purpose weapon as it can make your allies stronger and your enemies weaker.”

“If you want a friend to act in a particular way just say you appreciate how they are already acting strong, calm, friendly, confident, happy, etc. If you have an enemy and want to throw them off ask them to stop being so emotional, moody, suspicious, aggressive, passive aggressive, anxious, etc. Remember that the emotion you label them with has to be within reason, or it will sound sarcastic and dishonest.”

On Non-Reactivity

“let’s say, Peter Thiel or Bill Gates or Donald Trump or some other type of high-status individual were accosted by someone on the street as they were getting out of a limousine, yelling insults at them. If they responded it would be lowering their status because the person who is yelling at them from the street is nowhere even near as high status as they are.”

Other

“It’s not what is said, but who says what.”

“Those who are the best at garnering attention, positive or negative, become the most culturally relevant, which gives their word more value in the cultural landscape. The more value your word has, the more people will feel compelled to act in accordance with it.”

“Mimic the group that you’re trying to break into with similar dress and you will notice that people will act warmer towards you.”

“Good looking people have what is called “the halo effect,” where people project positive attributes on the person.”

“At the core of this book is a concept of self-belief. Knowing that even if you do not know how to solve the problems in front of you, there will be a future version of yourself that will.”

“I remind myself that whatever action I’m taking is just a big experiment and really, everything is just practice for another scenario where I will succeed in the future. If you remove the need for the action that you’re taking to have a specific outcome right at the moment, you free yourself from the emotions that will force you to try to control it and usually ruin it by trying to control it.”

“in studies where people put down that they’re of African-American descent before they take the GRE, they score on average 50 points lower than if they were to have gone in without putting down their race beforehand.”

“there is money to be made off of people’s need to belong. The more inferior you feel, the more likely you are to spend money on products to alleviate that pain. That is why billions of dollars are spent on advertising. Advertising works on the premise that there is something that you lack, and that thing you lack is keeping you from being accepted, but if you purchase their product, this will no longer be a problem.”

“But the truth is that if you don’t want to receive the same results you’ve been receiving your whole life, you’re going to have to try new things and those things are going to feel uncomfortable at first.”

“Think hard about your character, like in a video game. Outline what she wants out of life? What is his goal? Where would he need to live to accomplish this goal? What is standing in his way? What excuses does she not accept? What does he look like? What does he do on a daily basis? What kind of food does she eat? What does he do on the weekend? How does she waste time? The person you outlined is the strongest version of yourself, he is an ideal you.”

“The Power Bible is an instrument to teach you how to win. To bend, disregard and strategically break the rules that bind you. Cultivating an awareness for which battles to fight, which ones to pass on, and how to win the moments that matter.”

“Everyone has a “good reason” for their actions and words, and a “real reason.””

“Offering a powerful person something they can’t do is the best way to try to gain powerful alliances and ascend into hierarchies quickly.”